Reflection

Fourteen years ago today I married Elwood. Since that time a lot has changed in my life. Eight years ago I filed for divorce and two months later I became a widow instead.

I have learned that no matter what life throws at me I can handle it with the Lord's help. As I reflect on the last eight years since Elwood's passing I find that I have struggled with loneliness, finances, and at times with my spirituality. But as I look back to what has gotten me through all my struggles it has been my Heavenly Father, family and friends.

Heavenly Father and all of my family have stood by and continued to love me no matter how stupid some of my decisions were. Friends have come and gone but I have a few that have stuck with me over those years. One of these friends stood beside me the day Elwood was found dead in his motel room and has been there whenever I needed a listening ear. We have had some great conversations in a wide range of topics and at any time of day or night.

I have grown in the gospel and in my day-to-day life. I even took a huge leap of faith and moved to Idaho Falls not knowing a soul up here. But I found a new life on my own. For the very first time in my life I lived totally by myself. I found that I could do it. I started really getting into the singles program. I have built several close friendships here and wouldn't trade this experience for anything.

I also have found that I am able to move forward with life. Tonight, I will share with the new love of my life, Nick, the good parts of my marriage to Elwood.

On this day I am also remembering my Aunt Rene. I will miss her but know that she is reunited with her parents and Granddad Al and Grandma Maxie. She was always full of love and caring for anyone who walked into her life. She taught by that example.

Love you both, Elwood and Aunt Rene, for all you have taught me in my life.

Much to my surprise the Friday before Mother's Day I got a text message from my roommate which said, "You got flowers!" I sent back "What?" Because I don't ever get flowers delivered unless it is in person from anyone. Ryan sent me flowers for Mother's Day! What a wonderful and beautiful gift.

I received just as thought and wonderful gifts from both of my daughters. Megan and Jeff sent a card with a beautiful message. Ashlee called and left me a message wishing me a Happy Mother's Day.

Mother's Day for me was a wonderful day. I spent it attending my church meetings and serving other mothers in a care center. A few of the choir members went to a Care Center and sang for Mother's Day. I felt like I was one of those primary children in sacrament meeting singing to their mothers. Then Nick made a wonderful meal for both Marilyn and I.

Hope all Mother's (Mom, sisters, aunts, cousins and friends) in my life had a wonderful Mother's Day.

Grateful for the Past

In the past two days I traveled back into the memories of my past and shared them with present. I am so grateful for the experiences of the past. I was reminded that they are what made who I am today. Every bad choice and every good choice that was made.

Then I was able to make some kind of amends with part of that past and help my kids get through a very scary and stressful 2 days, as their father was in the hospital with chest pain. It's funny to think with all the hurt and pain that we through with our divorce that I can still say that I love him and care what happens to him. As I called his wife and left the message that they were in my prays and to let me know if there was anything I could do for them I felt a huge weight leave my spirit.

Then the hole left was immediately filled with love and gratitude for the past as I realized how much it has helped me to prepare for the present. In the present I have a strong love for my Savior and his atonement. I also have a love for Nick and all that we share together in our new relationship. And the love of my kids and my family.

Thought of the Day

"The more you focus on words that uplift you, the more you embody the ideas contained in those words." ---Oprah

Finding the Purpose

Today and for the past year I have been feeling very blessed and grateful for my life and the people that have become very important to me. When I moved to Idaho Falls and found that the job I thought I had was not there I wondered why would the Lord bring me up here with no friends or close family. Yeah there is Aunt Sue and Uncle Earl but it just wasn't the same as having close friends and my kids. But now when I look back over the last year and a half I can see that the Lord was very mindful of me and what I needed to learn. I have become a stronger person in my faith and knowledge that Heavenly Father will always be there for me no matter what. I have also come out of my shell so to speak in the fact that I had to assert myself and made some great friends. Ones that have uplifted me when I felt like I could not do this single life alone anymore and yet I don't feel like I have solely relied on them with out giving back to them.

And now more recently Heavenly Father has blessed me by placing Nick Carroll into my life to let me know that I can be loved and can love someone without reservation. He helps me want to be a better person.

I am grateful for my experiences and the people I have met here in Idaho Falls. I now know that Heavenly Father had a purpose for me to find a home in Idaho Falls to grow and find myself.

Spring is just around the corner

Walk down the Greenbelt - Snake River proves to be beautiful at anytime of the year. Nick and I stopped to have our picture taken in front of the falls. Just one of our fun filled times together.

Thought of the day

"Happiness is there for the taking - and making"
Oprah